“Not pushing forward, finally going nowhere.”
Most of us are, in some way, preoccupied with the “project” of our lives: becoming the best version of ourselves, finding and following a higher “purpose”, changing the world, making a lasting contribution, and creating meaning. In spiritual terms, this might sound like: striving for awakening, healing traumas, opening to unity consciousness, becoming love, raising kundalini energy, channeling the divine, cleansing away negative energies and thoughts, joining the consciousness army, or raising the collective consciousness of the world.
It can take the form of a personal enterprise that brands the “self,” produces “experiences,” and exports a “story of success.”
This project of “me” may look and sound like self-development and self-expression, yet it often leads to alienation. It can become a project that enforces and violates what is already present, like a kind of interior colonization. We appropriate our bodies, minds, and souls as possessions, feeling entitled to make them conform to our ideas—as if we have become the slave owners of our interior worlds. Any resistance to our rules is labeled as illness, dysfunction, or lack of willpower.
Why can’t I overcome my addiction? Lack of willpower. But what is the root cause of which the addiction is a symptom?
I’m not good enough. Personality disorder. But what is your frame of reference for judging your value?
I’m exhausted. Burnout. But what are the working and living circumstances that lead to your exhaustion?
Many of us have come to identify with these “projects of me.” But where do these projects come from? No one is born with a desire for a nose job, right? No child is born feeling they aren’t “good enough” or that their voice doesn’t deserve to be heard (ask any parent of a young child if you doubt this). Our identities are often not who we truly are, but who we’ve been conditioned to believe we "should" be. Michel Foucault refers to identity as an internalized power structure. Most of our “me” projects are shaped by a personal blend of neoliberalism, patriarchy, colonialism, and/or white supremacy, adapted to our particular circumstances. All of these power structures share a common thread: the instrumentalization of the individual for some so-called greater good, often under the guise of words like solidarity, brotherhood, peace, and prosperity—but in reality, they serve as systems of control over wealth and power.
Our innocent desire to “better ourselves” and “change the world” often distracts us from the real work necessary for true liberation. It requires a resistance to anything that reduces a human being to a means rather than an end—including how we treat ourselves.
The colonization and instrumentalization of our inner world is a form of violence, and it engenders more violence. Forcing or ignoring a child invites a tantrum, just as forcing or ignoring our inner world creates inner conflict. Tending to our inner landscape begins with listening, becoming available to ourselves, and stopping the endless push to move forward, so we can finally go nowhere.
This practice is reflected in the morning prayer at House of the Beloved:
Morning prayer
May I be intimate with myself,
sensitively attuned to what is there,
carefully listening to my body.
May I have the courage to reveal myself,
without censoring, without shame,
simply showing myself as I am.
May I have the curiosity and interest
to deeply listen to others,
so I can feel as they feel
and see the world as they do.
Without trying to change anything,
without trying to make anything happen
or prevent anything from happening,
Just being with what is,
leaning into the discomfort,
as a way to deepen my self-insight
and self-recognition.
______________________
If you want anti-colonial support, please join our practices:
Authentic presence is about deeply listening to yourself and revealing what is true for you.
Meditation helps expose your identity as an internalised power structure
Shadow work accelerates this whole process
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