All the wrong places

(image by Ariel Leshinsky)

I have searched for you 
in all the wrong places

in the body with all the channels open
my skin on fire, my breath like an ocean
but we met when my body crumbled with pain
not to comfort, just to show 
I am not my body

in the warmth of love and brotherhood
when all the eyes are radiant
but we met in the despair of my solitude
rejected and ridiculed
not to comfort, just to show
I am not in the other’s eyes

in the ecstasy of singing, the trance of the dance
when all the juices vibrate
but we met in between
when I shut my mouth and sat quietly
not to comfort, just to show
I am not my longing for you

in all the movement of the world
afraid of being left behind
but we met when I got discarded
useless to the world
not to comfort, just to show
I am not my gift to the world

in discipline and meditation
waking up in the middle of the night
but we met when I let go of all that zeal
and accepted to do nothing at all
not to comfort, just to show
I am not my power

I tried to speak of you, spread your presence
let your love radiate through my face
but we met upon my return, in the inner garden
you don’t need my help
not to comfort, just to show
you are, and that’s enough

I look forward, you are behind
I turn, you are a melody
I listen in, there’s only silence
I open my body into it, you have become a word
I try to read, you just scattered into a thousand birds

utterly useless all my searching
like a kind grandmother you watch me play
clueless and innocent
wearing myself out in this wondrous game

exhausted, empty-handed 
completely helpless 
a fool for your love
like a child pressed into its mother
I disappear in your embrace

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