Stepping into a spiritual journey, I must be careful not to replace the content of my conditionings and stories with more “spiritual” content without any real transformation taking place. Instead of using whiskey and Netflix, I now use incense and mantra to calm or numb myself. The dynamic stays the same. Anything that protects me from my fear of being nothing is a distraction. In his book “Let the moon be free” Eric Baret writes:
“What takes us further away? What creates agitation, confusion? Fear. The fear of being nothing. Religions and spiritual teachings are born out of this fear; they carry it, they transmit it. All knowledge, all certainty, all directions are nothing but this fear in motion.
When I ask a question I take myself further away. When I look for myself in a teaching, I betray my autonomy and I run away from intimacy. True spirituality is not a demand, it is availability to what arises in the moment. As long as I want to follow a teaching, a direction, a guru, I remain in extreme confusion. At times, I may imagine some form of appeasement, but sooner or later I am brought back to my fear of being nothing. This space, the heart of things, only reveals itself in a moment of humility, when I renounce every possibility for any form of knowledge, any form of accumulation, that I let myself be completely devoured by the moment. This is non-appropriation.”
In this blog I’ll write about my experiences as a contemporary monk in a trans-spiritual community, searching for a path that puts me naked at the edge of my awareness, with as my only teacher the sharp teeth of the devouring moment.